After you discovered that your husband cheated on you, do you find myself being bombarded with negative thoughts on a daily basis? Do you feel like you’re going crazy, drowning in negative thoughts about yourself, your cheating spouse, the future of your marriage or even life itself? One thing most victims of an affair share in common are the emotions they will face as they go through the affair recovery process.
It’s not abnormal in the least to have a flare-up of various emotions concerning your husband’s betrayal. You have received a shock, and this is a natural response to the upheaval. So today I'm going to share with you information on working through the inner turmoil caused by your spouse’s affair.
As the victim you may experience these thoughts:
1. I'm a horrible partner
2. Is the other woman smarter than me? Better looking?
3. What does she have that I don’t?
4. Is it because I gained a few pounds?
5. I don’t think this marriage will survive this crisis
While the emotions themselves are normal, you want to avoid getting caught up and stuck in them as they can derail your ability to take the necessary steps needed to achieve true healing for yourself, as well as your ability to heal your relationship with your spouse and move forward.
Overcoming the pain you are feeling right now involves following a proven process. The first step is to start taking a closer look at your thinking by tracking your thoughts. Once you have a good idea of the negative thoughts that are plaguing you, you’ll quickly learn how to challenge the believability of those thoughts by looking at how realistic they truly are, whether they are based on facts, and use positive self-affirmations to counter the negative thoughts.
You need to follow a step-by-step plan to help you neutralize the emotional impact of those disturbing thoughts and truly put them behind you. As a relationship research writer I have reviewed a lot of programs, but very few dive in and offer solutions that directly solve the problem of negative, obsessive thinking on the part of the injured spouse.
For example, I reviewed “How to Survive an Affair,” because I wanted to know if it really was possible to eliminate the stream of negative thoughts from your mind.
It is not only possible, but the methods Dr. Gunzburg outlines in “How to Survive an Affair” are based on the science of cognitive-behavioral psychology, a method that has proven effective in helping people that suffer from all kinds of negative thinking. Inside Section 2 of the affair recovery program, Dr.Gunzburg will provide a 3-step method for helping you take control of the thoughts so that you will feel less insecure and unstable. In addition, you can use the companion workbook starting on page 17 to help you with the exercises.
There are very specific steps in the “How to Survive an Affair” program, to help you move beyond the self-defeating thoughts you might have after you discover infidelity in your marriage. You will find the nine shockwaves and the monster emotions that you, as the victim of your husband’s affair, may need to work through as you begin to heal your marriage.
Inside you will find multiple key exercises that help you cope with the pain you are experiencing after learning of your husband’s affair. The program gives you a workable, realistic plan to support your efforts as you take the steps necessary to heal yourself as well as your marriage.
Use this link now and use “How to Survive an Affair” to help you overcome negative thinking. You can begin right away by turning to page 27 and take the first step toward affair recovery.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Talking Through the Details After the Affair
One of the hardest things to deal with after the affair is actually talking about the affair itself. It goes without saying that conversations about the infidelity are bound to be very harrowing and emotionally loaded. But is it even necessary to have these types of conversations with your cheating spouse? That depends. Some people feel that they need to know all the details of what went on with their spouse and his paramour. While others may deem that the information is not critical for them to know.
Some injured spouses feel that talking about the affair helps them to heal, rebuild their marriages and move on with life. This may mean discussing the affair in great detail, getting just the basic facts or not discussing it at all. The decision is totally up to you and what you feel you need in order to heal after the affair. If you are the cheating spouse and your partner ask for details, then you should give them freely and be 100 percent honest so that you can rebuild your marriage.
Some injured spouses feel that talking about the affair helps them to heal, rebuild their marriages and move on with life. This may mean discussing the affair in great detail, getting just the basic facts or not discussing it at all. The decision is totally up to you and what you feel you need in order to heal after the affair. If you are the cheating spouse and your partner ask for details, then you should give them freely and be 100 percent honest so that you can rebuild your marriage.
After the Affair – Why Your Cheating Spouse May Not be Feeling Guilt
After the affair, feeling like your spouse is not sufficiently remorseful enough for all the hurt and pain they caused you can hinder you from taking the steps necessary to repair your relationship. You expect your partner to feel guilt and remorse over his actions, but instead he seems to be going about his daily business like nothing has happened. Even though your cheating spouse has apologized to you it seems that what he'd really like to do is to sweep the affair away like it never existed. This would lead you to assume that he has no conscience, and therefore no guilt.
This could be true but then again it could be a misunderstanding on your part of what your guilty spouse is working through at the moment. You may have your own ideas of how your spouse should act. For one thing you may expect the cheater to repeatedly tell you how sorry he or she feels about the suffering he or she inflicted on you. So if your cheating spouse is not showing any outward displays of guilt or remorse, you are left to conclude that he doesn't feel any true guilt for his actions and that he is very likely to cheat again once you calm down and some time has elapsed.
After the affair, there may be roadblocks standing in the way of your spouse outwardly displaying guilt and remorse. Just like you, your cheating spouse also has thoughts and feelings regarding the affair. Since it's not possible to read someone's mind, it's hard to tell if he or she is suffering immensely on the inside or just in a state of denial regarding his or her actions.
It is common for the cheater to justify his actions for how the affair happened without owning up to the fact that it was a self-serving choice and he was a willing and active participant. Before any healing can take place in the marriage after the affair, your cheating spouse must acknowledge his part in the wrong-doing before he can have feelings of guilt. The cheater also needs to work through his negative thoughts and emotions and not avoid them as if the whole sordid affair never happened.
This could be true but then again it could be a misunderstanding on your part of what your guilty spouse is working through at the moment. You may have your own ideas of how your spouse should act. For one thing you may expect the cheater to repeatedly tell you how sorry he or she feels about the suffering he or she inflicted on you. So if your cheating spouse is not showing any outward displays of guilt or remorse, you are left to conclude that he doesn't feel any true guilt for his actions and that he is very likely to cheat again once you calm down and some time has elapsed.
After the affair, there may be roadblocks standing in the way of your spouse outwardly displaying guilt and remorse. Just like you, your cheating spouse also has thoughts and feelings regarding the affair. Since it's not possible to read someone's mind, it's hard to tell if he or she is suffering immensely on the inside or just in a state of denial regarding his or her actions.
It is common for the cheater to justify his actions for how the affair happened without owning up to the fact that it was a self-serving choice and he was a willing and active participant. Before any healing can take place in the marriage after the affair, your cheating spouse must acknowledge his part in the wrong-doing before he can have feelings of guilt. The cheater also needs to work through his negative thoughts and emotions and not avoid them as if the whole sordid affair never happened.
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