After the affair, feeling like your spouse is not sufficiently remorseful enough for all the hurt and pain they caused you can hinder you from taking the steps necessary to repair your relationship. You expect your partner to feel guilt and remorse over his actions, but instead he seems to be going about his daily business like nothing has happened. Even though your cheating spouse has apologized to you it seems that what he'd really like to do is to sweep the affair away like it never existed. This would lead you to assume that he has no conscience, and therefore no guilt.
This could be true but then again it could be a misunderstanding on your part of what your guilty spouse is working through at the moment. You may have your own ideas of how your spouse should act. For one thing you may expect the cheater to repeatedly tell you how sorry he or she feels about the suffering he or she inflicted on you. So if your cheating spouse is not showing any outward displays of guilt or remorse, you are left to conclude that he doesn't feel any true guilt for his actions and that he is very likely to cheat again once you calm down and some time has elapsed.
After the affair, there may be roadblocks standing in the way of your spouse outwardly displaying guilt and remorse. Just like you, your cheating spouse also has thoughts and feelings regarding the affair. Since it's not possible to read someone's mind, it's hard to tell if he or she is suffering immensely on the inside or just in a state of denial regarding his or her actions.
It is common for the cheater to justify his actions for how the affair happened without owning up to the fact that it was a self-serving choice and he was a willing and active participant. Before any healing can take place in the marriage after the affair, your cheating spouse must acknowledge his part in the wrong-doing before he can have feelings of guilt. The cheater also needs to work through his negative thoughts and emotions and not avoid them as if the whole sordid affair never happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment